The Cake Never Arrived (Neither Did Their Happily Ever After)

dessert plates with desserts on a dark table along with cops of coffee and a creamer. View from above

I won’t name any names with this story, but it’s about a wedding and the missing wedding cake.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who really, really wanted the guy. They had an on-again, off-again relationship, but finally came to terms and decided to live together. Eventually, they married. There were some in the kingdom who rejoiced with news of this reunion and others who remained stoic. However, as time drew closer to the nuptials there was murmuring and dissent.

Photo by Tim Rebkavets on Unsplash

Bottom line: there were a handful who didn’t think this marriage was a good idea, despite the strides this couple took to make things better. The woman was the problem, for a variety of reasons. These ranged from “she wants kids and he’s been very clear that he doesn’t” to her person.

Me? I liked her, but I wasn’t so sure she was right for the man, especially because of the kid issue–I don’t think those “big ticket” issues ever go away…I was initially excited for them and for me (she’d “remain” a part of our friend group). The closer the wedding date approached, I could see what a low-key bridezilla she was and that “-zilla” nature wouldn’t end with the wedding.

It started off with comparison in a couple of forms: “I want what she’s having” as well as “My____is much bigger/better/etc. than hers.” On and on and on.

One of the groomsmen came to me and wanted to do an “intervention.” 🙄 Yeah, no. That wouldn’t end well for anyone. We were beyond that point, and they were too stubborn, anyway.

On the day of the wedding, the cake didn’t arrive when it was supposed to.

Bride. Was. Freaking. Out.

People jumped in to handle it. Calls were made. Times were promised and then came and went. Finally, the bakery admitted that they lost the order but they’d send something.

Y’all, this couple wound up with a table of miscellaneous cakes and pies. It was the oddest bunch of baked goods I’ve seen and I’m pretty cozy with all the baked goods.

The wedding was nice, although I fainted during the cocktail hour. I could hear someone asking “Is she drunk?” (No, I was not–I barely drank).

Again, 🙄. My eyeballs must’ve had an excellent workout that day.

Does it surprise you that the “girl” dramatically left the “guy” before their anniversary–I can’t remember if it was the first or second, but does it really matter by that point?


Because he didn’t want to have children. I bet you couldn’t see that one coming. Yes, 🙄 It was one of those times you know you’re right and wish you weren’t.

Moral of the story: you can’t change people, no matter what “kingdom” you live in (or fantasy land in her case).

Her failing? Thinking she could change him.

His failing? Once he makes up his mind he sticks to it. Cut your nose off to spite your face sort of thing.

They had some cake, but to what point?

Give me a shoutout! 🤠

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