family dynamics,  going home

Vacation

I honestly thought that I’d be able to post while on vacation.  This is despite the fact that my mom’s, where we stayed, has no internet.  My mom does text, if pressed, but doesn’t do computers.  She barely uses her cell.  My brother in-law and sister in-law are tech-savvy but they don’t text—don’t even try to text them because they don’t have it.  It’s kind of a funny juxtaposition—I love to tease them all about it.  My brother lives on a small sailboat with his girlfriend, but that’s too long of a story for here.  (I didn’t want anyone to feel left out so I added him—he really doesn’t have much to do with the techy part of the story.) 
I guess at different junctures in my life going home has conjured up different emotions and thoughts for me and it certainly brings out old dynamics and issues.  This time everything was muddled like the weather.  The weather was pretty fall-like the first part of the week and then a little like spring towards the end when we visited—Seattle just isn’t having the best summer, at all.  If you asked most Seattleites they’d say that’s an understatement.  I’m o.k. with bad weather but this time I caught a mild cold or something and it put me in a little funk which has lingered all the way home.  Not a funk because I was sick but more because it put me in such a reflective and pensive mood.  In turn, everything annoyed me to some extent.  It doesn’t help that I’m so tired I feel like the walking dead.  I’m exhausted for no good reason. 
Since my mom doesn’t have a computer or do anything computer related, I won’t get busted for sharing private thoughts, for being dead tired or for being just a little pissy and admitting it to the world. 
The night before we left I couldn’t help but think of the Wizard of Oz.  I was really obsessing about it when I couldn’t go to sleep—tick, tick, tick, midnight, 1am, 2am, 3am, 4am—time to get up.  We all make these journeys home and sometimes the very things that we’ve given so much power to over the years turns out to be the great “wizard” behind the curtain.  Instead of yanking on cords to create smoke screens he’s yanking our proverbial chains.  I couldn’t figure out what specific person, event or thing was my wizard this time around.  I was off to see the wizard but why?
Whether home is 15 minutes or 2 days away we all face some sort of dynamic—what’s yours and how do you deal with it?
Give me a shoutout! 🤠

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